FRIENDSHIP IN A RELATIONSHIP

  FRIENDSHIP IN A  RELATIONSHIP

by : Domitila L. Mapa,Ph.D

 

Friendship is one of the most beautiful thing on Earth. Very simple  but hard to find. People come and go into our life and lucky for those who have found love and true relationship.But how about those who are still hoping to find such true friendship in any relationship where love is the baseline.How do we develop such relationship where friendship grows into love? How will this become a healthy relationship with other people?

Human beings are the highest form of social animals, and most of us wants a healthy,long lasting relationships with other people. Relationships require a lot of work and a lot of communication, but it can still be hard to understand what the other person is thinking.

We need friends to share our thought, share our happiness and sadness in life…A best friend makes our lives meaningful. They are always there when we need them. You may have many friends but you can have only one best friend. So what makes a person best friend? It is the connection that you feel when you talk to the person. You would find the person so much like you. There could be similarity in the way both of you dress, music you listen to or the sport you like. Moreover, the individual would make you feel comfortable and would accept you the way you are.

Relationship  may refer to a relationship between family, friends, or sexual partners. Love is an emotion often involved in relationships. It tis a  way in which two or more people,  behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.Relationships may either committed relationship which is a serious and lasting romantic relationship with someone.  Working relationship  is   an ability to work together. and a love-hate relationship, strong feelings of both love and hatred for someone.Being in a relationship means being happy together, celebrating the differences and enjoying the team work.

Relationships provide emotional fulfillment that humans need as social animals. People have an innate need to feel loved, connected, and important to someone else, and we also have a need to give to others emotionally. Some people feel this need more strongly than others, but even if you don't want the emotional benefits of relationships, you can benefit from relationships in tangible ways like networking, career opportunities, someone to call if you're in trouble , and many other ways

Here are some tips of a healthy relationship:

1.Know the different expectations of your partner.

In our everyday dealings with our relationship it is better to clear up things before going further.You must be clear with the expectations. Each one have their share of  healthy relationship ,you should     understand that the expectations are your guide to live happily without any hazard in the future.Here are some.

1. You deserve to be safe.

2. You should take care of yourself.

3. You are allowed control over your own body, finances, and possessions.

4. You should not be expected to do things which make you uncomfortable or put you in harm’s way.

5. You have a right to express your feelings in a healthy way.

6. You deserve respect.

7. You have a right to your own opinion.

8. You should be allowed to be yourself. Pardon the cliche but you should expect that your partner will cherish you for just that…you! If you feel that you cannot fully express yourself to your partner, chances are you’ve been subject to some kind of abuse.

9. You should feel secure, not anxious, with your partner.

10. You should be able to trust your partner completely.

11. You should be able to speak honestly and openly about anything.

12. You deserve to have time away from your partner, whether it’s quality time with friends and family or time spent alone.

13. You have the right to say “no”.

14. You have the right to end the relationship.

15. You deserve to be treated kindly: you should expect your partner to desire the very best for you. That means they seek to protect you from harm, rather than cause it.

16. You should expect to be loved. If you feel unloved by your partner, the relationship is headed for trouble.

17. You never deserve to be abused in any way.

What should your partner expect from you in a healthy relationship?

1. They deserve to be treated as you desire and deserve to be treated: with kindness, patience, and respect.

2. They should expect you to encourage them, not humiliate or degrade them.

3. They deserve to have their own opinion.

4. They, too, deserve to maintain full access to their own finances and possessions if that is their wish.

5. They have the right to say “no”.

6. They should expect you to defend them against abuse, not inflict it.

7. They share the responsibility of maintaining your well-being, encouraging activities that enable you to stay healthy – physically and psychologically. Likewise, you have a responsibility to help them maintain a healthy body and mind.

8. They deserve time away from you.

9. They have a right to end the relationship.

10. They should be able to trust you completely.

11. They deserve to be loved for who they are, not what they have or can give.

12. They should expect the same level of honesty you deserve.

13. They should not expect you to stay in an abusive relationship.

The two lists are remarkably similar because, whether you are giving or receiving something in a relationship, you both have the same rights and responsibilities toward one another. If you feel that your own relationship is unhealthy or headed toward abuse, carefully consider what is lacking. If it’s something from your list of responsibilities, remedy that!

2.Open communication,Learn the art of Listening.


 Every relationship can be improved just by improving communication. Communicate what you feel as well as what you think. Emotional communication is the language of love. When we experience positive emotional cues we feel safe and happy, and when we send positive emotional cues to others, they feel the same.

Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully understood.Unfortunately, most people don't learn how to communicate effectively as they grow up, so it can be difficult to have important conversations or stand up for yourself if you don't make a concerted effort to learn the basics of effective communication.

A good listener is someone who hears more than the words being spoken. He or she can pick up on the emotional overtones and undertones in what is being said. Listening in this way engages the brain, the heart, and curiously, also the stomach, which alerts us to danger.

Good listeners are rare, but when we find them we can't get enough of them. People who listen to us make us feel understood and valued and the good feelings we get about ourselves make us want to be with them. A great deal of emphasis is put on talking, but if you can learn to listen in a way that makes another person feel heard and understood, they will value being with you. Good listeners are often regarded as “charismatic” because we can't seem to get enough of them.

The ability to listen is at the very heart of conflict resolution. Few people will listen to us unless we have the ability to listen to them first! Listening doesn't require us to agree and it won't change your mind but listening will help you find common points of view that can help build consensus.

3.Give and take realationship. Tell your partner what you need,don't make them guess. 

We are often taught to put other people before our own needs, and being selfless in a relationship can be a great feature. However, there should be balancing of one's need. you should not sacrifice your own needs or happiness to satisfy someone else. You'll end up burned out and disappointed.

It's not always easy to talk about what we need. Even when we’ve got a good idea of what’s important to us in a relationship, talking about it can make us feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or even ashamed. But everyone needs comfort and understanding from others and providing it to someone we care about is a pleasure rather than a burden. In addition, people change over time. What you wanted and needed five years ago may be different from what you need now.Take time for yourself to recharge when you need to. It's ok to have a night out with just your friends, or take an evening to read by yourself when you want to.

Don't be afraid to tell your partner what your needs are.

4.Stress management

In a relationship, conflict is just normal specially in views, belief ,demands  and others.

Using Laughter to strengthen your relationships and resolve disagreements

Humor can be an effective tool not just for attracting the other person but also for overcoming any awkwardness or embarrassment that arises during the process of getting to know one another. In established relationships, humor can keep things exciting, fresh, and vibrant. It can also help you get past conflicts, disagreements, and the tiny aggravations than can build up over time and wreck even the strongest of bonds.

. Relationships of all kinds should make you feel good about yourself and happy that you know the other person. Sometimes, though, relationships become a burden and can even affect your state of mind. If your relationship is dysfunctional, it may be time to sever ties or seek counseling
.
One person (or both) becomes emotionally manipulative and tries to get the other to respond by creating feelings of guilt, pity, or jealousy
One person is a giver and the other person is just a taker. For example, a friend may always expect you to drop your plans for them, get them out of a bind, or be physically affectionate with no commitment.

5.Understand that good friendships are essential. 

Friends can range from someone you just hang out with to have fun, to someone you confide in when you're having trouble or ask for advice when you need it. True friends are an important part of life because they help you learn more about yourself, help you make good choices, and help you connect with others.

True friends tell each other the truth and keep each other's best interests in mind. You can know if someone is not really your friend if they lie to please you or to trick you, or if they undermine your efforts or don't care about your successes.

Friendships can take a lot of work to maintain. Try to make time every week to call or visit your friends just to stay caught up with their lives and let them know you're thinking about them.

6.Look for quality in any relationship. 

Depth and sincerity should be most important. Have a few good, solid and rewarding relationships rather than focusing on too many people, who slip in and out of your life as they please.

Other Tips :

• Be yourself.Honesty is the best policy.
• Stay in one relationship.
• A natural love is better than forcing someone to love you.
• Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
• Make sure to see and understand their point of view even if you don't agree with it.
• Give the benefit of the doubt.
• Take care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner.
• All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve this, but if they love you it will come.
• Don't drag up the past, especially when it is something that has been resolved. It should stay buried and should not have to surface again.
• Ask questions, clarify, and don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or is full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault / you never loved me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to break up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell them you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first. If you don't work together and just blame, it can only do harm..
• Never take your anger out on your partner. Even if they are the reason of this mood. It will only make things worse, and both of you will feel awful
• Never rush your significant other into things that they aren't ready for.
• Give each other chance to grow and pray together.

Referrences::

1.Understand-What-a-Relationship-Means#Recognizing_a_Healthy_Relationship_sub
2.10-ways-to-have-peaceful-loving-relationships
3.what-you-should-expect-in-a-healthy-relationship

Friends D'Light

Friends  D'Light

by: Domitila L. Mapa,Ph.D

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever, © Flavia

We meet for a reason, some develop for friendship . True friendship is the only relation that survive the trials and tribulations of time and remains unconditional. It is a unique blend of attractions,loyalty, love,respect,trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship.

Years back . I  met some beautiful personalities in the social media, not knowing they can be as close as your real children .It was amazing  knowing that, there are still good people in the social media who are true,  trusted friends and love as your own family.They served as an inspirations when days are gloomy and stressful .They bridge you from melancholy to happiness by sharing their precious time and ideas .

Having only one child ,knowing them, gave us a great impact in our life with MG , They are young ,full of life ,with sincerity ,courage and passion .. It is in the FB world, that  borne a beautiful friendship called "DELIGHTFUL FRIENDSHIP" founded on the grounds of humility,respect and camaraderie. a friendship to be cherished for a lifetime ,

Everyone evolve in this  beautiful lady administrator ,we call her Jeanette, she is young, smart, witty and intelligent, a face of a true Filipina with a big heart, At her age, she is a very successful career woman who passed the "National Qualifying Examination for Principal".She is married to a sea fairer , blessed with two healthy boys.She plays a good wife , mother to her kids and school children. Gifted with writing skills and art,she can easily develop poem with story in it. anyone who can read, can be relieved from having a feeling of melancholy . A  good guidance counselor, a true and loyal friend that is Nean. where everyone called her by her fb friends .

The youngest is Atty. Raid of Florida , he is a bachelor,  the spar plug of the group, he sets the atmosphere, everyone is happy a nd gay, there is no dull moment talking with this lad,he is not any ordinary man, he is a very religious , intelligent , and a good brother, he loves street children and give sounds  advises . He is a good swimmer, singer and he finished in a law school.the age of 28, he has proven his worth. Who would not be amazed ,that when you opened your eyes ,you can read his messaged    " I LOVE YOU MUM" yes he is my precious fb son ,who touched the missing link of a mother to a son.A good son with big dreams. He sung a filipino song " Pusong Bato" very well .

and his twin with a golden voice  ITFAL , who is as good as his brother in all aspect.

Another is the most handsome model/actor, Ran A'zam, of Pakistan  , an architect by profession, a down to earth famous artist in his country, well educated bachelor, full of values, good son, a well manned person ..He is a type of person who is so reserved.. He is a soft kind hearted man ,  willing to extend help to those who asked him.He cares and  loves  much .He respect women to the highest degree.He is a good brother and melodious to her mother . A very cheerful and workaholic  but never  forget to send messages during break time.

Next is a   good looking man from New York is  Dr. Shali Khan. who enjoys serving the masses by participating in the diffirent free medical mission not only in the Philippines, He posses that delightful heart ,the passion  to cure to  those who have illness ,where he gets the source of happiness and contentment in his life . A good doctor turned into a business tycoon to continue  his father's family legacy He posses a very strong character and gain respect naturally from other people . He is a man with high caliber ,but very humble.He has the sense of good humor  He admired and appreciated  people who are smart and intelligent like  Nean  .With his hectic schedules ,he finds time for his friends and his family. With the silver spoon .he is enjoying now , he remains his feet on the ground.

Some common things about them , , they are all eligible bachelors, they have Pakistani blood, they are all successful  The have common friends ..MG, Kakai, Letlet, Mam Virgie ,Mam Lalaine ,etc. ,they are my beloved   sons, but  most of all , they considered  Nean as their peace of mind .

Though we  came from different cultures, different beliefs, different standing in life , the fb world binds us to be one family, who shares different interest , vision, exchanging ideas , but at the end of each conversation, we arrived at a common ground , that a true , honest, friendship really evolve in the social media bind with unconditional love.

Remember that true friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing. And the  only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.

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